A few observations and tips on walking in Portland

White lines are not the same as a walk signal. Wait until a driver takes the initiative to slow down and stop for you to cross; repeat for the opposite direction, then cross. Drivers are required to stop for your right of way at a white line crosswalk only if they can do so safely. You are even more likely to be honked at, cause an accident, get injured, or be killed if you expect drivers to immediately stop for you.

When approaching an intersection where a driver is stopped waiting to make a turn, cross behind the car. More often than not the driver is not looking in your direction and will continue to not look in your direction (which also happens do be the direction they are turning) as they advance into the cross street.

Cyclist, though they often get a bad rap (sometimes deservedly) from the uninitiated, ignorant, and prejudiced, are especially tricky to anticipate. Just assume that there is a cyclist zooming down every cross street that you attempt to cross. You can't hear them coming as you would a car. They can't see you very well as they would a car. Therefor, each is effectively invisible and inaudible to the other.

These are just a few of the things I've observed and adapted to as an avid and purposeful pedestrian. A good broad rule of thumb is to assume that you are invisible to everyone else on the streets; other pedestrians, cyclists, drivers, pets, children, etc. Act and react accordingly.

Except for you

I was nearly killed by a driver while riding my bike the other day. Not only was I "obeying the driving laws" while riding in the street, but I was being sensitive to other drivers in what was ridiculously savage Saturday Hawthorne traffic. This person was in the oncoming lane when he suddenly swerved into my lane to park in a no parking zone facing the wrong way. Hmm. I was certainly shocked by the sudden threat to my life and limb. However, instead of stopping to yell at the driver and beat on the hood of his car with my fists, I decided it would be more civil to try engaging him in a discourse on the merits of following the rules for everyone's benefit.

I got off my bike and waited for the driver to get out of his car. As he was shutting the door I approached him and asked if he had noticed that (a) he almost killed me, (b) his instrument of potential manslaughter was his car, and (c) the means by which he nearly took my life was by disregarding the rules of the road (which happens all the time, I know, I know) without any regard for those around him. He seemed genuinely caught off guard by my query. It turns out that he has incredibly poor eye sight. However, the prescription glasses he is mandated to wear for driving are extremely corrective. In fact, the glasses correct his vision to near perfect. I found that hard to believe at first, but the man's story was rather convincing. In the few moments it took to get to the topic of his eye sight I found myself losing interest in the infraction that had initially compelled me to confront the driver, and found myself more interested in the story of his sight. It turns out, again, that he was born with this particularly acute condition. Throughout his child- and young-adult-hood he had chewed through a host of eye specialists; none could find the right treatment to improve his sight. When he was in his early thirties, though, he found an experimental treatment available only in Switzerland. He went out of sheer desperation and was told that he was a perfect candidate for this very risky surgical procedure. After long and hard consideration he laid down his life savings to pay for the surgery.

The surgery was a success. . .mostly. It solved the essential malfunction of his optical processes, but he still had to wear a very heavy prescription to do most things - like driving. Also, there was a terrible and, as of yet, unavoidable side effect resulting from the combination of the surgery and the extremely sensitive prescription: when he wears his glasses, all street and traffic sign proclamations are followed by a clear and convincing "except for you, that is". So, a street sign that reads "NO PARKING AT ANY TIME" to you and I reads to him "NO PARKING AT ANYTIME, EXCEPT FOR YOU, THAT IS". What a lucky asshole.

Random Facts About Me

I used to hate wearing flip-flops when I was a kid because they gave me blisters between my toes. Then my toes got older, wiser, and tougher. Now I wear nothing else on my feet in the summer.

I have a calcification on my right wrist. It's kinda cool/ugly.

My first name is James but I go by my middle name, Samuel.

I have no living biological grandparents.

I used to wear thick silver hoop earrings when I was in my early twenties. One time, my dad was giving me a bad time about them (as per usual), saying "one of these days I'm gonna hook up some reigns to your ears and make you pull the old cart to market", or something to that effect. I took that as the perfect opportunity to show him my new tongue piercing. That shut him up.

My first job was at KFC. Now, I wonder if I would be a lawyer or insurance executive if my first job was in a corporate mail room. Thank God for fried chicken.

I like, nae, I love bacon.

The Longest Standing Threat I've Ever Made Is Finally In The Offing

I'm going back to school. I'm excited, scared shitless, happy, and just generally feeling great about finally doing something.

Bliss. . .

Is "doing the crossword" at the coffee shop. Yep.

Love

Who? Her.
















Why? Because she can tell me she loves me without apprehension. And because she's honest and trusts me. And because she knows that I trust her.

Thoughts I had today

1. Activism junkies are unattractive.

2. So are luddites.

3. Don't buy advocacy from those crunchy-liberal-chic youngsters accosting you while walking down your local "cute" district. (They are likely being paid by a for profit company to sell you charitable giving. Just sayin')

4. Love is grand. So are some pianos, a canyon in the American southwest, and a thousand dollars.

5. You may think you are hip and uniquely stylish. Give me an afternoon and I can find a hundred people who your parents and friends would mistake for you. Again, just sayin'.

6. Who was the first person to stretch out their knit stocking cap and where it on the back of their head? I have a question for you. Why?

7. Expectations can ruin your day if you don't abandon them at the first hint of being unfulfilled.

8. Jeez. . .I really need to lighten up.