Except for you

I was nearly killed by a driver while riding my bike the other day. Not only was I "obeying the driving laws" while riding in the street, but I was being sensitive to other drivers in what was ridiculously savage Saturday Hawthorne traffic. This person was in the oncoming lane when he suddenly swerved into my lane to park in a no parking zone facing the wrong way. Hmm. I was certainly shocked by the sudden threat to my life and limb. However, instead of stopping to yell at the driver and beat on the hood of his car with my fists, I decided it would be more civil to try engaging him in a discourse on the merits of following the rules for everyone's benefit.

I got off my bike and waited for the driver to get out of his car. As he was shutting the door I approached him and asked if he had noticed that (a) he almost killed me, (b) his instrument of potential manslaughter was his car, and (c) the means by which he nearly took my life was by disregarding the rules of the road (which happens all the time, I know, I know) without any regard for those around him. He seemed genuinely caught off guard by my query. It turns out that he has incredibly poor eye sight. However, the prescription glasses he is mandated to wear for driving are extremely corrective. In fact, the glasses correct his vision to near perfect. I found that hard to believe at first, but the man's story was rather convincing. In the few moments it took to get to the topic of his eye sight I found myself losing interest in the infraction that had initially compelled me to confront the driver, and found myself more interested in the story of his sight. It turns out, again, that he was born with this particularly acute condition. Throughout his child- and young-adult-hood he had chewed through a host of eye specialists; none could find the right treatment to improve his sight. When he was in his early thirties, though, he found an experimental treatment available only in Switzerland. He went out of sheer desperation and was told that he was a perfect candidate for this very risky surgical procedure. After long and hard consideration he laid down his life savings to pay for the surgery.

The surgery was a success. . .mostly. It solved the essential malfunction of his optical processes, but he still had to wear a very heavy prescription to do most things - like driving. Also, there was a terrible and, as of yet, unavoidable side effect resulting from the combination of the surgery and the extremely sensitive prescription: when he wears his glasses, all street and traffic sign proclamations are followed by a clear and convincing "except for you, that is". So, a street sign that reads "NO PARKING AT ANY TIME" to you and I reads to him "NO PARKING AT ANYTIME, EXCEPT FOR YOU, THAT IS". What a lucky asshole.